Within the period of D&D third version and its 3.5 update, character constructing was a wild west. The game’s complicated guidelines and deep customisation made it ripe for min-maxing—and an unbelievable barrage of first- and third-party enlargement content material meant there have been at all times new races, classes, spells, and feats to fiddle with, normally all hopelessly unbalanced in opposition to one another.
It was a time when each DM cringed on the sight of a participant dropping a brand new ebook on the desk, however no less than for many the objective was simply to place collectively a personality optimum sufficient to breeze by way of that fight encounter that took 4 hours to organize. A deviant few had darker designs in thoughts, and out at nighttime corners of the Web (and the WOTC official boards), they conspired to interrupt not simply the steadiness of the game, however the elementary legal guidelines of its actuality.
The darkest and most ludicrous of those forbidden builds handed into on-line legend—and although that is maybe where they need to’ve stayed, I’ve determined to dredge up just a few of my favourites for you at the moment. Name it a cautionary story for the 5e gamers of at the moment—what begins as some harmless experimentation with a Coffeelock construct can quickly take a flip.
Half-Ogre Spiked Chain Fighter
We’ll begin with a mild one—a traditional construct robust sufficient to be game-ruining however not so contrived as to provide your group a headache.
Fairly easy—simply make a Fighter with the half-ogre racial template to make your self Giant, then take the Fight Experience, Fight Reflexes, and Improved Journey feats. Oh, and get your self a spiked chain—one among 3.5’s most ridiculous weapon varieties.
Giant creatures can assault enemies as much as 10 ft away; the spiked chain extends that attain to twenty. Get somebody to cast Enlarge Individual on you, and that will increase to 25. Right here, 3.5’s Assault of Alternative guidelines kick in, and mainly any time somebody tries to maneuver inside a 20-25 foot circle of you, you get a free assault, which you employ to journey them up. Should you journey them, you get one other free assault on them from Improved Journey. In the event that they attempt to rise up, or get away from you, you get one other Assault of Alternative. Any time they get remotely shut, simply move backwards just a few ft. You are near-untouchable and make it a nightmare for any of your opponents to do something.
Does it truly work?
Just about, although it’s important to hope your DM by no means introduces a monster greater than you or in any other case good at resisting your journey makes an attempt. And, as immortalised in The Order of the Stick comedian, ensure to look where you are going.
Pun-Pun the Kobold
Maybe essentially the most iconic overpowered construct in D&D historical past, Pun-Pun elevates one of many lowliest creatures within the Monster Guide to godhood.
Creator: Khan the Destroyer
The important thing to Pun-Pun is discovering a solution to remodel into one thing known as a “sarrukh”—the unique construct exploits an obscure racial template known as Mulhorandi Divine Minion mixed with a shapeshifting-focused status class known as Grasp of Many Varieties. As soon as you have gained the power to show right into a Monstrous Humanoid of as much as 14 hit cube, you are golden—doable inside your first 5 ranges, by this technique, with a diversion into Wizard to get a viper acquainted.
Sarrukhs have a capability known as Manipulate Type, that lets them modify the stats of reptillian creatures (kobolds and vipers qualify, naturally). They’ll increase potential scores to match their very own, and even grant spell-like talents… together with Manipulate Type itself. Pun-Pun turns right into a sarrukh, makes use of Manipulate Type to provide his acquainted the Manipulate Type potential, turns again right into a kobold, after which will get his acquainted to make use of Manipulate Type to provide Pun-Pun the Manipulate Type potential too.
Just a few additional steps are required, however the upshot is that Pun-Pun and his acquainted are actually free to endlessly increase one another’s potential scores. They’ll additionally grant one another just about any particular powers they need, due to the obscure wording of Manipulate Type. Fairly quickly Pun-Pun has over 20,000 Power, Dexterity and Structure, is aware of each spell and feat within the game, is resistant to all the things, and completely invisible.
Does it truly work?
Legendary as it’s, the Pun-Pun construct has some main holes in it, not the least of which is the truth that to be able to shapeshift into one thing, it’s important to know what it’s—given the sarrukh are an extinct precursor race from tens of hundreds of years up to now, that is not particularly possible. Qualifying for the Grasp of Many Varieties class within the first place additionally requires some very over-generous studying of the Divine Minion’s guidelines, to not point out the query of the way you even handle to turn into a holy avatar of the Mulhorand pantheon of gods within the first place.
Perhaps extra of an idea than a construct, although it’s going to kill a dragon in a single spherical simply the identical.
Rent about 2,000 peasants and inform them to face in a line. Get the one on the entrance to prepared his motion to make a throw assault, then get all those behind him to prepared their actions to move a rock down the chain. Then get the peasant right on the again to choose up a rock and move it to the peasant in entrance of him.
Because the peasants move the rock alongside the chain, the rock travels about two miles in a single flip—which is six seconds real-time. That accelerates it to over 1000 miles an hour, over Mach 1, earlier than the peasant on the entrance chucks it. How a lot injury does that do? That is as much as the DM—however certainly sufficient to punch by way of just about something it hits. The Peasant Railgun can fireplace each two turns, or 12 seconds, making it fairly trivial to put waste to total fortifications. For extra energy, merely make the road of peasants longer.
Does it truly work?
This one’s much less a legit exploit and extra a way of beginning an argument along with your DM. The important thing flaw within the Peasant Railgun is that it picks and chooses when to observe the foundations of D&D, and when to as an alternative observe the real-world legal guidelines of physics. If we observe D&D guidelines to the letter, then the rock good points no bonuses in any respect, as a result of D&D would not have guidelines for acceleration like this. If we observe the legal guidelines of physics, then the peasants cannot move a rock at super-speed within the first place—and if they might, then the peasants within the latter half of the Railgun are getting their fingers blown off earlier than it will possibly attain the top. Nonetheless, a great way to derail a quest you are not all in favour of with 4 hours of arguing about physics.
The fantastic thing about this construct is that it is completely optimised to do one thing fully pointless.
Get to stage 20 as a Telepath. Make a sandwich. Polymorph the sandwich right into a rabbit (or different small animal of your alternative). Use the Astral Seed energy to create a crystal that can retailer your thoughts and soul should you die. Commit suicide. From throughout the crystal, use the Thoughts Swap energy to swap into the rabbit’s physique. Break the crystal. Use the Psychic Chirurgery energy to revive the degrees you misplaced by dying. Then, dispel all powers on your self.
You are actually a stage 20 sandwich. With the Delicate Spell feat, you possibly can nonetheless use your psionic powers, enabling you to fly round and management individuals’s minds fairly fortunately, regardless of being made from bread and butter with ham in between.
Does it truly work?
There’s an argument to be made that you simply should not retain your psychological potential scores as a sandwich, which might kill your profession as a Telepath, although you’ll nonetheless have succeeded at turning your self right into a sandwich, which was after all the actual objective right here. Past that, it is a foolproof construct.
This construct unleashes the potential of the game’s weakest class. And its weakest farm animal.
There’s just a few other ways this construct can go, however the very first thing it is advisable do is take a stage in Commoner—a feeble class normally supposed just for NPCs to make use of. Use that to qualify for the Rooster-Infested feat, which was included as a part of an April Fools characteristic on enjoying Commoners in Dragon journal (the official D&D journal). Due to this feat, each time you draw a weapon, you’ve a 50% likelihood of drawing a stay hen as an alternative. Then purchase your self a spell part pouch.
Drawing an merchandise from a spell part pouch is a free motion, and the pouch can include as many elements as you want. Mix it with Rooster-Infested, and you’ve got the facility to attract and drop as many chickens as you want in a flip. You’re an infinite hen machine.
There are just a few other ways to benefit from this. Utilizing necromancy, you possibly can quickly slay and lift them from the lifeless for a zombie hen military—even higher should you take the Harmful Retribution feat to make them explode on dying. Should you favor to rise up shut and private, you possibly can throw a hen into fight, assault it, and use Cleave and Sweeping Strike to bounce a load of free assaults onto anybody standing close to it.
However actually, all that is simply exhibiting off. The reality is, there are few issues that may’t be solved simply with a thousand chickens showing out of skinny air. Set off each entice safely by hurling chickens. Pour them into your enemy’s fortress till there is not any room left for anybody to maneuver. Clear up world starvation. The chances are countless.
Does it truly work?
Just about. You may positively be challenged on the abuse of free actions (there’s technically no restrict on what number of could be carried out in a flip, however the guidelines do warning widespread sense on this level) however all that basically does is decelerate your hen manufacturing. In case your use of the spell part pouch is disputed, simply take Fast Draw and as many golf equipment as you possibly can carry as an alternative (golf equipment are free, in spite of everything)—once more, it is simply decreasing your charge of chickens-per-minute, not stopping you.
Certain, the feat does technically come from an April Fools joke, however no less than it was a first-party April Fools joke, which makes it extra legit than all of the third-party nonsense everybody else’s builds use.