I am undecided what I actually anticipated from a game referred to as Priest Simulator. Possibly you’d take heed to somebody’s confession and select from a drop down record of penances to assign to the sinner? Otherwise you’d officiate a marriage through a minigame where it’s important to decide the proper verses and get the bride and groom’s names right? Possibly rotating a thumbstick to swing that… that brass factor, no matter it’s, on a sequence, the factor that… like, smoke or steam or incense comes out of it? 

Sorry, I used to be not raised with faith, have not pursued it as an grownup, and the final time I used to be inside a church it was with Father Grigori in Half-Life 2. However at the same time as uninformed as I’m, once I think about a simulation game you play as a priest, it isn’t something like what I see within the trailer for Priest Simulator. It begins with a scary voice loudly declaring “Hell is my playground!” earlier than the priest, in first-person, begins wildly punching the air and sending fireballs into some form of big spider perched atop the ruins of a metropolis.

Extra highlights: A bus is picked up and thrown by way of the roof of a constructing, although I’m not sure if the priest is accountable or only a witness. There’s extra punching, this time of both a demon or somebody simply carrying a demon mascot head. Metallic music blasts all through.

Then, at the least, we see a confession. Ultimately! Actual priest stuff. “I do not see any level in my household,” a wide-eyed (maybe eyelidless) lady is saying, little question echoing a thought most of us have had at one time or one other. “Honor thy father and thy mom,” the priest selects from varied choices, earlier than receiving what seems to be a complete of seven Priest Factors (?) for making the proper selection. 

Once we subsequent see the priest he has a blade strapped to the again of 1 hand and a big hammer within the different and is brutally killing a bunch of individuals or monsters, first within the woods after which a graveyard. He drives a automobile, he chugs wine, he buys a sack of holy communion focus. There’s rather a lot occurring and little of it suits my admittedly poor data of issues a priest does.

In keeping with the developer, Asmodev, Priest Simulator is an “motion mockumentary” that can introduce you to “the improbable world of contemporary Poland.” I truthfully cannot start to take a position on the veracity of that assertion, although one reviewer says “I am Polish and may verify that is 100% sensible polish priest simulator.” I additionally can’t confirm that assertion, and can make completely no effort to take action.

(Picture credit score: Final Video games)

The game (it is out right this moment on Steam) stars a “vampire priest who desires to get his baton again and return to Hell. To that finish, you could struggle shatanistic hordes, beef up, renovate the church, and collect splendor.” You may as well twin wield the game’s 8 weapons, which each would not really feel like sufficient weapons however on the similar time seems like 8 weapons too many for a priest.

Priest Simulator is in early entry and plans so as to add extra stuff over the subsequent 4-8 months, together with new quests and music. Presently there are 27 opinions on Steam, all of them constructive. Amen.